Whatever I thought would happen this Saturday didn’t happen. Instead, I took part in a cross-country event at Bedok reservoir. 4 girls including me ran as a team and we came in second. If I ran faster, acsi (girls) could have been first. Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t be too demoralised since the maximum I’ve run at one shot is probably only not even 2 km this year. So to finish 4.5 km without stopping was already a relatively good achievement for me, for now. I never thought I’d be doing something like this in my lifetime.

Talking about exercise, lately, I’ve realised my physical health has worsened a lot since secondary school days. Nowadays I’m running slower and getting weaker. Although I still managed to get a gold for NAPHA last year, I’ve suddenly come to realise I might not reach that if I don’t buck up soon. Sometimes I feel like blaming it on thalassemia minor, because, well, maybe that’s what’s making me tired when I run. When I look at others run, I always wonder whether they all feel as tired, and whether I could have pushed my physical limits more. Perhaps it’s trauma because I’ve felt really dizzy/weak/horrible after exercise quite a few times in my life, and maybe that results in my fear of getting tired.

Whatever the case, I shall relish feeling healthy for the next 2 days.

I’m finally done with most of my tests for this term. Now I can concentrate fully (this sounds quite ironic) on my world lit essay, TOK essay, TOK presentation and EE. I’m too spoilt for choice on which to start doing. I’ve slogged through world lit for 2 nights in a row, trying to come up with solid points but I can only safely say I’m 1/3 done – with my rough outline. Gah. There’s a reason why I chose not to take lit in Sec 3…

This Saturday is going to be quite an interesting an exciting day. I’ll be discussing TOK presentation with xiaodi early in the afternoon, and then she’ll be going for TF with me. Sure this is something to be happy and thankful about, but after thinking about it for a while, it really leaves me feeling somewhat guilty and disappointed with myself. Why is it the first time I’m doing this?

Exercising twice this week has just given me a (false) sense of healthiness. Yesterday, Sharon and I trained with the track cross country boys, but of course, we were given much lighter tasks. My teacher asked me to consider competing in cross country (in about 5 weeks), but fear being tired. Somehow, when I imagine myself run, it’s always this ideal situation when I don’t have to pant and feel like I’m going to die any moment. Then I get all motivated and when I actually start running, my nightmares just come true and there I am, plodding along the track, breathing hard and perspiring, hoping each breath isn’t the last. I can’t even run 2.4km without feeling exhausted, so I’m quite doubtful whether I’ll be able to finish 3.6km in one piece. Argh..

I had a really long day out shopping today. Queenstown to IKEA to Vivo with mom, dad and Jean. And I coincidentally bumped into Grace (SMSS strings) while in Vivo.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly typing this down, but over the last year, one of the most important things I’ve learnt is about how average I am as a human. Sure, every one is seemingly “unique”, but from what I’ve seen, we’re all nearly the same.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Yay, I still have 2 more days  of holiday. I think I’m probably one the few odd people with no school on Monday.

I’m enjoying the second day of my long holiday, though I’m feeling quite tired already. My schedule during CNY has been very repetitive for as long as I can remember. This year wasn’t any different – and I actually feel some sense of security in the fact that things don’t change much.

On CNY eve, I had school in the morning (Jean didn’t even need to go to school) and the rest of the day was free. At night, we had a reunion dinner with both sides of my family at a restaurant in Harbour front. There are a few relatives whom I only see once a year, during CNY, so it was nice seeing them again and getting snippets of updates on their lives.

On the first day of CNY, I went to church in the morning for the annual CNY Thanksgiving service. Perhaps this is something unique to a Chinese church – and no, it isn’t superstition. I think it’s more of adapting to societal context and reaching out to the Chinese community while staying true to what we believe. After the service, I went for lunch with the maternal side of my family. My 2-year-old cousin, Ashlyn, suddenly seemed to like sticking to me. She kept visiting me at my side of the table and I was slightly stunned because I didn’t know how to entertain her. I kind of ended up analysing a red packet with her and then Jean and I asked her questions which we got ourselves very amused with. The innocence of a little child can really make you realise how much the world has corrupted your thoughts. She embraced being “fat” and she was honestly proud of herself. How many of people with her type of thinking can we see these days? I’ve seen none.

Moving on, in the evening, my family popped by at weichuan’s house to meet the Chinese students mom and dad are mentoring. We ate a bit and then left around 7 to go to nai nai’s house for the annual CNY steamboat dinner. I was extremely full at the end of all the eating for that day. At about 10, Jensen and his parents, Jean and I watched IP Man 2. Now I understand why this movie was so well received (especially by Chinese). Mom and dad were chasing us to go home but I just couldn’t leave the TV until the movie was over. So my parents, grandparents and aunt Rose spent the time chatting and we ended up going home at midnight – the latest in my CNY history.

Today, day 2 of CNY, was more slack. I woke up later in the morning and at around 11, dad, Jean and I went cycling at Upper Pierce reservoir. It’s the place with many ups and downs. I was having a hard time cycling because some other bike’s handle bar piled on top of my bike’s handle bar. It sat in the basement car park like this for a very long time and my front wheel was slightly bent to one side. So the brakes always got too near the wheel each revolution, and I ended up having to do more work against friction. It was really very tiring. Even cycling on flat road wasn’t easy. At first, I thought it was because of how unfit I am. But yes, I guess it could have been due to both the bike and myself. My thalassemia was acting up along the way and every pedal required sheer strength and determination. Anyway, we made it back home 3 hours later and I was dead tired. At least I think I’ve burned off about 10 pineapple tarts. What a long way to go…